hurdles

Last weekend my dad came up to watch me horse show. It was great to see him! I am very close with my family and it is difficult being away at school. My dad loves to come watch Charly and I. Even though, my dad is the definition of a city slicker he still enjoys feeding Charly treats. He always says how his biggest joy is watching how happy the horses make me. However, what could have been a lovely weekend with my dad watching me show in an easy class…turned into a disaster.

I have been in a “riding funk” for the past two weeks now. I am not sure why or how to fix it but I have taken a nose dive and simple tasks now seem insurmountable. My coach at school tells me “it happens, don’t worry.” Yeah that may sound all nice but I didn’t believe them, this sort of thing shouldn’t be happening to me. My “riding funk” culminated in my first class, everything was going well until I moved up to a distance that I should have waited for. The result….Charly and I took down the entire fence. The worst part was how pissed off at me he was after. He bucked and bolted and pinned his ears as to say “what the hell was that mom?!” I was concerned he was injured because of my careless mistake and the tears began to stream down my face. He turned out to be fine but that level of guilt and feeling of stupidity stuck with me.

Finally yesterday I climbed out of my riding funk! I spent the weekend in Florida with my boyfriend. I was able to ride with a trainer, Amber, who I know and respect. Luckily, shaking up my routine by riding a new horse, with a different trainer, in a different environment was all I needed! Amber couldn’t stop laughing at my ear-to-ear grin as I jumped around. I told her she had no idea… :) 

Ocala "The Horse Capital of the World"

I was thrilled to find out my sister was surprising me and coming down to the horse show in Ocala with me over spring break. She is also a freshman in college at Hobart William Smith and we don't get to see each other often. Also I forgot to mention....she doesn't like hard work or horses....minor detail. But she had her warm weather clothes packed and was intent on getting a tan.
My trainer, Michael, came to pick us up at the airport. This began the greatest spring break I could have hoped for. I woke up every morning at 4:30 am and went to sleep at 8:30 pm, not exactly the "Girls Gone Wild Spring Break." The horse I was riding was fantastic and Michael pushed me to new heights and was surprised (not to mention I was surprised) at my ability to rise to the challenges. My trip culminated when Michael gave me his grand prix horse to ride and jump around on. I could not get over the compliment and privilege.
Spring break not only gave me the rest and refreshed mindset to finish up the school year but also, gave me the motivation to keep working hard on my riding for the summer competition season that is ahead of me.

Spring Break fever...

I get a phone call. The horses have just arrived at the horse show in Ocala, Florida. I look out my window, it is snowing. What is wrong with this picture? I should be in Ocala at the horse show but my dad pulled the plug a couple of weeks ago when he told me I need to stay at school. I understand my dad's motivation in wanting me to stay at school but now I sit here anxiously awaiting when I can head down.  12 days...until I can fly down. I love the horse shows. This horse show has been a tradition with my trainer. We have gone down to Florida for the month of March for the past four years. It is an understatement to say that I should be there now. I am trying to do all of my school work that is wrapping up, tests, papers, more papers etc. but my brain is already down in the sunshine....

the humbling effect

Today I reflected on riding over winter break. I am not sure how this popped into my head but I was thinking about the last time I fell off. I have always said that just when you think you are making improvements in your riding, you end up in the dirt. I call this the humbling effect. 

It was a typical morning 8am and I am warming up my horse Charly in the ring for my 8:30 jumping lesson. My coach and I had discussed the day before how we were going to "school" Charly (aka jump big jumps). I was feeling confident as I began to warm up, mistake number 1. Charly came out of his stall moving forward and feeling good. I routinely crossed the center of the ring and conveniently a patch of snow fell of the roof causing Charly to stop dead in his tracks, drop his shoulder and bolt in the other direction. I, in my mind, "gracefully" summersaulted over his ears and into the dirt. Once Charly realized what had transpired he gave me an all to knowing look of "oh well, you deserved it" I couldn't help but let out a laugh. 

Jet Setting

I just got back from Wellington, Florida (an equine community located across the channel from Palm Beach). During the cold winter months, the wealthy and most accomplished riders in the world all migrate to this one area code. Some may "winter here" because of the trendy image or the opulent parties. My reason for loving this place is far from that, I travel to see the best horse flesh and most accomplished riders in the world. I am so fortunate to be able to ride and learn from such accomplished people in my discipline. There are few places where so many of the best come together to compete. As I warm up my best friend's horse for the World Cup Qualifying Grand Prix, I am riding next to six of the top twenty riders ranked world wide. Chills shoot down my spine just thinking about it. I thrive in this environment. When I am in this environment, I feel as though I am on cloud nine, fulfilling my calling.

A not so typical saturday night

"You need to examine your priorities" my mom says.

Hell if I know what to think about that. She thinks I am throwing my riding away, my passion, my dreams, my happiness-all of it. I am not, I am just conflicted. I have been dating my boyfriend for a year now. He is truly wonderful but my mom makes me question if I am giving up my own personal dreams for a fairly new found relationship. I want to be an equestrian, I want to succeed and be the best that I can be. After the conversation with my mom and then with John I am so upset. My stomach is in knots and I have absolutely no energy.  How am I supposed to know if I am throwing my riding dreams away for my relationship with John? Yes my current stress is not solely from this situation. I have been stressed about too many classes, riding team, all while balancing my relationship with my family, including my mother's poor health. I have always and continue to aspire to be great. Isn't that enough? What if I don’t achieve my goals? What if I do end up alone and unhappy because I push everyone in my life away as I pursue personal excellence? Will it have been worth it? These are the all too silly questions that race through my mind at times like this. But yet at the same time I have never been one to settle. I want more for my life, yet, all along I want to enjoy the ride. And though I have made this clear to John, he does not realize that with the intensive relationship we have right now-it is impossible to achieve more.

John makes me so happy. When I am with him the rest of the world melts away. But in the end is that enough? I have never been a dependent person and have emphasized independence. Also am I cutting out life experiences that I will never get back? How to balance it all....I ponder. 

Friday morning 7:30am

My alarm goes off. I must be crazy. Didn't I go to sleep four hours ago? Yep. I drag myself out of bed and pull on my breeches. Off to the barn. On my way out the door my roommate groans and says, "Where are you going? You don't have class today." I tell her I am off to ride my horse, Charly, and she laughs, "You're crazy" is all she could murmur before rolling over and going back to sleep. Being the Equestrian that I am, leads to a different college experience.
From the age of four when I started riding I realized that another creature depended on me. Locked in a twelve by twelve stall, Charly anxiously awaits for my arrival everyday. Without my care he would not be fed, watered or exercised. I quickly learned responsibility faster than any lesson my parents could have taught me (sorry mom and dad). I always new that I had acquired certain character traits such as responsibility, hard work and dedication but it became even more clear this past semester when I left home for college.
 My peers and I have been left to our own devices as we develop and define ourselves as individuals and young adults. I don't mean to elude to the impression that I am missing out on the "college experience" by not socializing but I have chosen to do this with my own typical spin on things. Last night I had a great time at a party with my friends and didn't get home until three thirty in the morning. However, that does not prevent me from waking up the next morning and pursuing my passion and commitment. As my mom always says, "work hard, party hard, give everything your all." So what I am getting at today is it doesn't matter what your passion is as long as you have the drive and pursuit for excellence. For in that pursuit you will be rewarded with the greatest lessons.